Wednesday, 14 June 2017

Move Over Squirrels

OK.  It's not often I am lost for words however over the last couple of weeks a certain topic is really making me sound like an incoherent idiot.

Usually I can explain myself pretty well (even if it takes a while) or can bluff my way into making reasonable sense when in a physical discussion but this past week or so trying to explain what I am feeling isn't going so well.  So I am reaching out for some suggestions - anything you've got.... otherwise I am going to continue looking like I need a wrist tag and a white van to pick me up when I meet a friend at the supermarket.

The subject is alcohol.  This is what I am trying to say in points (so jumbled you can see why I can't get it together).

  • I think alcohol is really bad for everyone
  • Why? When there are some perfectly happy, well-balanced people who drink...
  • So maybe alcohol is bad for those with mental disorders, like anxiety, depression, or other things
  • Does alcohol create these things to get worse or is that age and then we drink to fix it
  • Why am I suddenly growing up emotionally for the first time ever? When I have had many periods in my life when alcohol wasn't a problem.  Why it because I hit my personal "bottom"
  • I never wanted to be one of those people who think alcohol is bad - but it is really coming on thick and strong.  When I up smoking years ago I never disliked people's choice to smoke (I smoke one a day now with my smug morning coffee)
  • I wanted to be one of those cool people who say "hey I don't drink but it's cool if others do" when, if I am to be REALLY honest, I think there is something really wrong with alcohol, the way it is sold, the light-ness of it's dangers, public perception...
  • I am sounding like a ranting loony but something is going on and I don't know what
  • There are SO many changes happening to my mind and "soul" that I am struggling to keep up
  • Are there people out there that only drink a little on week ends (just a bit) but somehow their whole week is revolving around just that tiny dangling carrot - how bad it that?  Perhaps it's a good thing to have something to look forward to if they are (not like me) a sensible drinker.
  • Is there such a thing?
So there you have it, it is a rambling mess in my head right now.  When someone asks how I am, I usually like to say my honest feelings in two sentences of what is happening for me right now.  So you see where this is going .....

I am in line with the squirrels....

I wanted to add this link I just read from Finding A Sober Miracle: (16.6.17)


  1. Hmm... kind of a squirrel myself... can commiserate

  2. I don't think it odd you think alcohol is bad for everyone. It is a drug.

    I come from a long, line of drinkers, and there are some who can drink just a couple and stop. This group doesn't drink everyday, or alone. In fact, they can go long periods without. However, I have many more family members who drink way too much, bottom line, alcoholics! And I cringe to write this, but me included. When I opened up with my doctor about my problem, he said it is one of the biggest problems for all kinds of people. When I told him I wish I could drink a couple everyone once in awhile, he said it wasn't likely I could do so. He told me to just let it go. So I'm trying...but I still wish I could drink a little and enjoy just a bit, but I know I cannot do this. I've failed so many times trying.

    1. My whole first month was mixed with tired, angry, irritated at night and happy in the morning - then a dread at around midday thinking " I have nothing to look forward to now I'm not drinking". I would literally plonk my head on the pillow, look at the clock 7 pm and think what am I doing.

      Then it got better, then I started to think I could moderate perhaps - but I knew deep down it wouldn't happen. I would be right back where I started. Thinking I maybe could drink again kept me going for a while - now I don't feel that way, but it was slow.

      Seeing alcohol in the supermarket made it hard, I had to put the blinkers on and keep pushing that trolley. Watching someone have a glass of wine on TV made me want one. Why can't I? Why can't I? Why can't I!!

      Because I am an alcoholic. Because I am an addict. I was ruining my life. Rusting away slowly :)

      Michelle xx

  3. I can relate COMPLETELY! Alcohol is not good for anyone because it's poison. It's well disguised, but it's still poison. I still off wine and beer to guests, however, so I guess I am OK with supplying it to some degree. I am conflicted!
    I am now reading "Mrs. D Goes Within," and she is totally going through this immature, crazy stage, right there with me. It's been enlightening and funny. Try that!

    1. Lotta is the reason i started this whole life changing experience. After seeing her on TV talk about her blog and then book (1) it gave me the courage.

      I hope you don't mind but I have added your latest post as it relates to how I feel about alcohol - yet you have expressed it perfectly.
      M xx

  4. I do not think anyone needs to drink.
    Alcohol is a drug.
    I see so many problems in my family and out in the world at large that is because of drinking.
    But I also know, people will drink.
    So I don't get upset about it anymore, except when it comes to drunk driving and abuse and neglect of children, women, and some men, too.

    1. Hi Wendy :)
      That is a very good point. When it is harmful to others is a great invisible line. Such a fine line though isn't it?
      Michelle xx

    2. For sure, it is.
      And now that I think about it, it affects anyone we love, people we know, even if we don't hurt them on purpose.


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