I never thought I was a selfish person, always wanting to help others and thought I was kind. I look back and realise my "need" to help others stemmed from a deep insecurity of the trying-to-please rescuing behaviour type.
This looking back is not intentional it just comes in waves and I am careful not to be hard on myself about it and to look at it rationally (as much as possible). It is hurtful to realise that I really did whatever I wanted and people close to me and their lives, revolved around what I wanted. As long as it all suited me then I was OK with it. Of course the older I got, the more defined I was with what I wanted - that combined with alcohol made one hell of a selfish bomb. And I did damage, and I blamed everyone else and I was the last to realsie it was me.
Now I am feeling around and noticing a big change starting to form - my life is revolving around the needs of my family. Yes I will keep checking how I am going, however I think the selfish brat that was me can do with some REAL unselfish living for a while.